Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
