Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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