I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
they need to just BURY HIM!
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
