I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
