summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Randomize
