Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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