therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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