We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
