Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
