Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
