areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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