Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
