well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
