You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You know, be my cock's hype man.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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