M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
