My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
