I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
