im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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