What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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