Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
