We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
