remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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