ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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