I wish I could teleport
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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