I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
