My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
