You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize