we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
