I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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