maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
