I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
