I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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