do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
