This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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