At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize