never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
