Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
