It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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