drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
