I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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