He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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