Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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