Ambien. No doubt about it.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Never underestimate the power of titties
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
