I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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