just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
