I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
