So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
