I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
