Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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