Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
