how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i barfeds in our rink
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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