Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
