Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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