I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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