STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
