i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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