If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
We just shotgunned beers for America
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
