the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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