I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
These tits shall not be calmed
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
