Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
