I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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