we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Still dying that you shit outside
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
