The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
