Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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