So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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