can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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