its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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