The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
